Remembering Those That Need Us Too

Nothing could ever prepare me for what happened in our lives. The perfect family, to the point it was almost a joke that we were so normal.

We were the super normal family, even as the boys grew and life was all about friends we still had family nights, we all told each other “I Love You”, and we all liked each other, which is a rare thing through the teen years, even through the various trials and tribulations of the teen years.

But suddenly it all changed when we lost Neil; my son, my friend, my fishing buddy. I loved to fish, but 3 years and 9 months later I have not been able to do so, as the memories flood back so fast, I remember Ryan and Neil as babies with little fishing rods, sitting by the side of the lake, in matching out fits. Even though there was 2 years difference, Neil always wanted to dress like his big brother. And through the years we had many fishing ventures. Neil would bring friends, we rarely caught anything but it was that time together, the jokes and funny antics.

Now when I think of fishing as with many activities the memories flood so fast, and I realise he is not here and the pain hits. But that’s what I have to hang on to as well as many other beautiful memories.

I have to remind myself I have a wonderful son Ryan, and a beautiful wife, these are the people who have kept me here. I have to remind myself that maybe Ryan would like to fish and do some of the activities we used to do, I love him dearly and want him to know that I may be distracted but I always love and think of him and he keeps me. He is so wise he is the one that gives me the pep talk and reminds me that Neil was happy and had a good time and a good life the 22 years he was here.

It is natural we get so consumed, but it is important to remember those who are here now and that they are in pain too.

We need each other to keep going day by day.