Anticipating The Death Of A Terminally Ill Child

No parents ever decide to have a child believing that their child will die before them. In their children are parents’ hopes for the future and their belief in continued life after their own deaths. Learning that your child may die before you is an unbelievable shock and intense tragedy that is difficult to get over. Anticipating the death of a terminally ill child may cause many changes in your and your family’s life. A dying child may take a toll on the family in many ways. Your financial circumstances may change due to medical bills. The focus of your familial attention has shifted to your child. And you may find yourself questioning life and your beliefs.

When parents learn that their child will die of a serious illness, they go through a stage of denials. First, parents may not believe the diagnosis and may try to get a second opinion. Then, when parents finally believe that their child is seriously ill, they may try everything they can possibly try to get their child well again. This may include alternative medication, eating nutritionally and spiritual healing and praying. After a great deal of money spent on these therapeutic methods and a number of fundraisers put together by family and friends, parents may then accept the heartbreaking truth with difficulty.

Turning Anticipation To Acceptance

Sometimes doctors know exactly the number of days a terminally ill child may have left to live. Other times, doctors may just know an estimate. “It could be any day,” are the words they give. It may be easy for parents to find fault with a higher power or even with themselves, and it may be easy to go into a kind of pre-mourning. Emotions may take over, and the fact that your child is dying might cause you to already start mourning. However, instead of spending this time being angry, miserable, and hurt, you may try making every moment you have left with your child count. Realize that your child is a gift and show gratitude for this gift by making the best of whatever time there is left. That way, when time runs out, you will have less of a chance of regretting that you have not given your all towards the fight.

When your child leaves this life, the intense pain of the loss may fill your days. You may wonder if this pain will ever leave you. For many, this pain will stay forever. In a way, it is as if part of you has died with your child. However, the intensity and rawness of the pain changes over time. Families and friends offer comfort, and being in their company may lessen your pain for a time. The real acceptance of your child’s death may come when you realize that your relationship with your child has not ended. In fact, you continue to be your child’s mother or father even after his or her death. And you will always be. Nothing changes that fact.

You can continue parenting your child in many ways. You can donate money to a charity, volunteer your time, participate in a relay for life, or start a program in honor of your child. Keeping your child’s memory alive by giving your time and love will also help you start to heal. The pain may stay forever, but it may start to lessen once you begin to accept the possibility of life and love after death.